Jesus Christ!
I wasn't singing the opening bars to a Lloyd-Webber musical there; I was merely trying to vent a little frustration before I began writing this blog, to prevent me using the kind of language which would make the Gallaghers blush.
Hot on the heels of my previous blog (regarding being blamed by somebody who ate my breakfast for her gaining weight) comes the story of an American (surprise, surprise) who has apparently got a condition which makes her eat in the night.
It's got a real medical name as well, apparently. Something like Kippinglardarseitis or something, and is actually recognised as a condition. Surely you can understand my earlier outburst now.
Basically, the story unfolded thus. She had a foot injury which wasn't healing despite the fact she was laid up during the day. She also started noticing crumbs and food wrappers in the bed, and put on the thick end of 9 stone despite dieting and exercising daily. It hardly takes Columbo to figure this one out does it?
Now, my complaint is not with the condition itself (although in my opinion it's not really worthy of medical attention). Instead, my gripe is with the fact that she is totally helpless in resolving the matter herself. They had her on the radio and all she did was bleat about how she couldn't help raiding the fridge in her sleep, that her husband was a heavy sleeper so he didn't notice and that she had clothes in 3 different sizes (not sure why - she doesn't exactly fluctuate weight-wise). Throughout the whole interview, the female interviewer was very sympathetic, agreeing that it must be a living hell.
I have one, small question, however:
WHY DON'T YOU LOCK THE FECKING FRIDGE THEN?
Put a lock on the fridge, get her husband to lock it when she's not there then hide the key. Unless she's a psychic Houdini type of sleepwalker, how the bloody hell is she going to find the food then? Either that or fill the fridge with fruit and other low-fat treats (if such a thing exists). If her story was that she'd been taken hostage and force-fed lard for 6 months you'd have some sympathy, but this is so easily resolvable that it barely warrants any media attention whatsoever.
Mind you, Lady Gaga is a successful music artist, so what do I know about what should and shouldn't be in the media?
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