Pour form

Yo-yos.  Planking.  Equality.  All things which started out as a bit of a laugh and captured the public's imagination for a few short weeks, before being confined to the dustbin of history as 'Huh, what were we thinking, eh?'

The latest heelarious fad to sweep that Internet consists of a celebrity pouring a bucket of ice water over their heads, all in the name of charity.  I'm not actually sure what the charity is, but for the sake of comedic irony, let's say it's to raise awareness of the lack of water in the Third World.

It started a few weeks ago, where recognisable person after recognisable person were filmed having a bucket of cold water poured over their heads, thus showing that they're 'one of us' and highlighting the plight of people less fortunate than themselves.  Quite what this was supposed to achieve is unclear.  Perhaps they expected us to exclaim "J-Lo owns a bucket.  I own a bucket!  But I bet her ice is store-bought and not hacked from the back of me Mam's freezer.  Mum, what's in this turkey baster?".  We may never know.

The second element of the process is to then nominate someone you know to go through the same ordeal, spreading awareness and having a bit of good clean (if a little cold!!!) fun at the same time.  Naturally, as with everything anybody ever classed as a celebrity has ever done, us normals latched onto it and started pouring and nominating faster than you can say "Youngsters in wet T-shirts online".

If you're that bothered about raising awareness, stop coming up with dick-brained methods of drawing attention to yourself the charity, ask everyone for a fiver and clear off.  What's next?  Smacking yourself on the arse with a cricket bat?  Piercing a nipple with a school compass?  Perhaps you could direct an elaborate remake of The Crying Game using local vagabonds.  Don't pretend you haven't thought about it.

I'm all for a bit of good clean (if a little cold!!!) fun, but do we really have to do this?  Yes, it's only a bucket of water, but what's the fucking point?  Our environment is on its arse as it is, so wasting its valuable water (not to mention the electricity needed to power our video-enabled telephone devices and tumble drying machines) is tantamount to vandalising Mother Nature's face.  And that's just asking for trouble.