Hold on, I thought you were married?

I love going out. Letting the old hair down and spending a small fortune on premium European lager while discussing the topics of the day and/or gameshow ideas is what makes me tick. I'm still young in relative terms but the chances to get out with my mates will inevitably lessen as we move towards our 'mature' years, so any opportunities are to be grabbed with both hands.

Lately, a friendly clique at work has formed who are having regular nights out in Leeds. I say regular; next Friday will be our second, but we've settled on a nice group of like-minded people who want to go out, have a laugh and do A-grade impressions of their colleagues. The usual.

However, I was discussing the forthcoming event with another of the attendees and he mentioned that he was in Glasgow during the day, but he'd move heaven and earth to be back on time. I praised his determination to get back for the festivities, but my praise was cut short when he declared that he wanted to be there because one of the lasses who's going out with us is 'well fit'.

Now, you know my opinion on perving over people at work; there's no need for it. We all like to look at a bit of eye candy to pass the day, but if it's not distracting then it's surely compromising work relationships. Call me a fuddy-duddy if you will (if you're Beatrix Potter) but I prefer to treat all people the same and get on with my work. The Mrs can bear the brunt of my perversions. I digress...

By now you're probably thinking 'Hold on a sec, fella. There's nothing wrong with a gentlemen finding physical attraction in a young bint. Leave 'em be'. And I would, if he wasn't married. I cannot begin to contemplate the mindset required to leave your better half at home, and concentrate all of your going out energies on a member of the opposite sex who'll be on the night out. I'm happily settled down so this sort of caper doesn't interest me, but even when I was single, I wasn't busting a gut to be there because of a nice looking bit of blart. As I've already said, I enjoy arguing about Hollyoaks over a few pints, having a bit of a dance then some cheesy chips. Not once does the thought of the qualities of the females in attendance enter my head. It sounds like a moralistic lie but it really is true. If I wasn't happy in my relationship then I'l split up; I wouldn't cruise around town on a work do trying to cop off with Brenda from Accounts (name and department changed to protect the harrassed).

At the end of the day, if this lad is going to make a play for said bird, I won't stand in his way, but any respect for him will be out of the window. I doubt he'll give a shit, but somebody's got to take a stand against the morally questionable of this world. Cheers.