Rantathon

It's been ages since I had a proper good clearout of the old anger pot, and where better to do it than online in front of you two? Enjoy...

Mary Poppins: World's smuggest woman

She really, really is. Let's get one thing straight - it's one of my favourite films of all times; a classic with loads of quality songs, but the years have taken away some of my innocence, and it's clear that she's a right arrogant get. "Practically perfect in every way"? What sort of attitude is that to teach kids? And she's always got something clever to say in every circumstance. And the ability to fly? Don't even get my started. An absolute disgrace.

A good day for common sense

A couple of weeks ago two high-profile court cases were won by the defendants, and it's about chuffing time. One was a bloke who sued William Hill because he warned them he was out of control betting-wise, but they refused to help him and he lost shitloads. The other was some twat who slipped on a grape in a supermarket and claimed a) it'd bust his knee and b) he had suffered depression as a result. Clearly on that day a normal human being with an ounce of common sense was in charge, cos both got slung out big time, and rightly so. It's about time society stood up to these cretins who flat refuse to take responsibility for their actions, and see pound signs every time they do something completely cockworthy. If I was in charge of the courts, these sort of people would be put away as an example to the rest of society's scummy underbelly: cross me with your pathetic excuses and you're in the slammer, bucko.

Everyone's called Jack

Writing TV and film scripts (despite 80% of what you see these days) is undoubtedly a skill. So why is everyone called Jack these days? Leaf through a Sky mag or a movie listing and all the heroes are called Jack. It seems every Tom, Dick and Harry is called Jack (arf). I presume it's the sort of name that gives off a feeling of danger and confidence, tinged with a hint of sexiness. Possibly. Either way, it's clear that the Arthurs and Jemimas of this world are never going to be recognised on celluloid for their heroism or achievements. Which may or may not be a bad thing.

That'll do for now I think. Word up.