Occasionally, and it is only occasionally, I learn a fact. Even rarer than that, the fact in question is so well-known and agreed upon by the general populus that when it transpires that I didn't know said fact, the only acceptable response is to thrust the tongue into the lower lip and deliver what is widely regarded as a "belm".
Such an event occured (the lack of knowledge, not the belm) just yesterday, when I found out that alcohol is in fact highly calorific.
Talk about a kick in the teeth. I, like most Britons, rely heavily upon alcohol to a) get a party started, b) make me seem funnier, more charming and harder than everyone else in the room and c) as an emergency mouthwash. Imagine my displeasure then, when I discovered that Sweet Lady Booze is actually slowly turning my into a lardarse at the same time as delivering epiphanies on the true plot of the original Star Wars trilogy.
To say I was disappointed was something of an understatement, as in recent weeks I've started using a gym and eating healthier (not healthy, merely healthier). Now it turns out that when I wind down of a Thursday evening (or Friday or Saturday) with a nice glass of Tesco's own Italian Merlot, I'm actually piling all the weight back on that 7 minutes of mid-paced ambling took out at earlier that day.
After nearly 4 minutes of soul searching, I concluded that the only solution is to work out more. It was either that or drink less, so I'm sure you can appreciate the inevitable logic of my decision. I did approach it in a mature fashion and look for low-fat alternatives in the alcoholic spectrum, but that was a pipe dream from the kick off.
So, if anyone out there is reading this and has come up with a viable alternative to burning off the calories I've gained through controlled exercise, let me know, because the alternative is literally too scary to consider.
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