Why are the chavs so sad?

Every weekday I go into our canteen at work around the 9:30 mark. As a result, social misfit overlord Jeremy Kyle is plying his wares on his eponymous car crash of a TV show. If you haven’t seen it, I can save you the effort, as every episode goes like this:

- Kyle is smug

- Member of the social underclass (Liam, Destiny, etc) is wheeled out, sporting a haircut fashionable only with people in a certain salary bracket

- Kyle shouts at them for refusing to acknowledge their baby/drinking themselves into an early grave/not adhering the Carney Code

- Wife/bird/chap/lover is wheeled out with a face like a slapped Labrador

- Hilarious argument ensues, relying heavily on the word ‘slut’

- Nothing is resolved.

- Kyle looks smug

It’s easy to poke to fun at this pointless piece of voyeurism based on its ‘cost-friendly’ production values and reliance upon the moronic sadness of the great unemployed, but it does raise one pertinent question:

Why are the chavs so sad?

If the media is to be believed (and I can’t think of a single reason why it wouldn’t be) today’s dole scum enjoys a healthy giro, low-cost alcohol and regular unprotected sex in playparks. All this with a built-in reluctance to work and a well-developed sense of not giving a shit about anyone or anything else in society. I wish I could be that lazy, inept and stupid, yet still enjoy such hedonistic benefits. Talk about nirvana.

The thing is though, Kyle’s hard-hitting journalistic skill proves that they’re all upset. They all seem to be cross with each other and feel that aggressively declaring “I know you slept with that slag, Terry!” whilst not wearing a bra is the only way to resolve such deep-seated issues. Maybe cider has gone up in the latest budget, or all the local talent has gone off to do a BTEC and cannot be reached for carnal relief of an evening. I can’t think of any other reason they would be so sad and be forced to air their grievances on national television.

Maybe I’m doing them a disservice; maybe these people want to work and are treating Kyle’s show as a shop window. Let’s face it, it gives them a chance to show problem solving, communication and bare-knuckle boxing skills in one place. In many respects it’s like a video CV for Macdonalds or Halfords. If that’s the case the kudos to them; anything that helps them afford something other than Ben Sherman clothes and a razor to remove their laughable moustaches can only be a good thing.