Are they being murdered?

There's a joke amongst TV critics, especially those who deal with soap operas, regarding the life expectancy of occupants of the various locations used for such programmes. With the necessity to keep audiences tuned in as important as ever, all manner of explosions, stabbings and, yes, bestiality are lobbed at the occupants of The Street, The Dale and The Enders. Week in, week out, some poor bugger ends up under a tram or in The Thames or lodged within the lower digestive tract of a farm animal, all in the name of entertainment.

However, it has recently become apparent that there is a TV programme far more dangerous than any farm on any street in any fictional borough. A programme which has seen 3 of its key protagonists pop their clogs in the last two years.

That programme is Are You Being Served?

Think about it; with Molly Sugden dying this week, that's 3 in a little over 2 years. First was John Inman (ironically-named one-act homosexual) in 2007, then Wendy Richard (shrill, leggy fox turned skeletal mardarse) earlier this year, and now Molly's gone. Granted, she was 86, but Inman was only 71 and Richard 65, so they weren't exactly knock knock knocking on heaven's door at the time. Maybe the sets were covered in lead paint. Maybe the sheer shame of squeezing 10 series worth of material out of a poor vaginal innuendo made them die early. Sadly, we may never know.

So who's left? Well, there's Captain Peacock, who at 88 regularly has our sides splitting in mirth-fest Last of the Summer Wine. Jug-eared Mr. Rumbold is 75, so he's well into the danger zone. Mr Lucas, the housewives favourite is 72 as well. Mr Harman is no longer with us, and if Young Mr. Grace was, he'd be 110. But he isn't.

I suppose if a programme's main cast are all of a similar age, it's likely that they'll all start to fall ill and/or die at a similar stage, but the fact that 3 of them died in a little over 24 months makes me think there are darker forces at work.

Either that, or this was just an exercise in browsing Wikipedia, but if Captain Peacock carks it before the end of the year, make sure you've got a cast-iron alibi.