I think I've done pretty well to avoid losing my rag about a particular """"story"""" currently doing the rounds until now, but I'm afraid the latest instalment is very much the story what broke the camel's fat back.
Put simply, what the fuck is up with Wayne Bridge?
In the words of Lloyd Grossman, let's look at the facts:
- He had a relationship with a French underwear model
- They had a kid
- They split up
- She had an affair with one of his ex-teammates
- The end
Except it's not the end, is it? For some reason, people have all manner of sympathy with Bridge for his current plight. Now, I may be spectacularly missing the point, but IT'S HIS EX BIRD, SO WHAT THE FUCK IS HE MOANING ABOUT?
I don't have kids, so I can't put myself 100% in his shoes on this, but is he really so cut up about John Terry shagging her? Bearing in mind he gets paid thousands of pounds a week to be a mediocre footballer, and such a lifestyle puts him in contact with underwear models in the first place, shouldn't he just count his blessings and let it go? I'm not suggesting that being paid shitloads somehow negates your feelings, but if he loved her that much, why did they split up in the first place?
Terry is a deplorable man; I don't think even he could argue against that, but the issue is that he cheated on his wife with this woman, not that a former boyfriend has got a face on about it.
I'd just about come to terms with this, then Bridge goes and quits playing for England due to his position being 'untenable'. Now, if he'd said that 2 years ago I'd have nothing but respect for him, as he must have looked at himself and said "You know what, I'm bollocks at football. I'm only anywhere near the England squad because of an unbelievable dearth of quality at left-back. I should probably quit and stop embarrassing everybody". Instead, he's been whining about how his inclusion is 'divisive'. Fair enough, some of other squad members might be on Terry's side rather than his, but they're fucking grown-ups, and should start acting like it. I very much doubt this is the first time one of the England squad has shagged the ex of another. What about that Danielle Lloyd? At one point I thought she was being sponsored by Green Flag given her propensity to lie back and think of England with various members of the squad.
As is often the case in football, the next round of club matches sees Man City playing Chelsea, meaning the pair of them will come up against each other for the first time since this whole debacle unfolded. Am I the only one who's thinking "Who gives a shit if they shake hands, don't shake hands, perform the lambada or simultaneously fellate each other"? It literally doesn't matter. They're men who've fallen out because one diddled the other one's ex bird. Christ, there must be dozens of men out there who can be classed as 'shagged my ex-bird' but I wouldn't refuse to shake their hands (in some cases, I might be inclined to offer them a consoling hug for putting themselves through the ordeal). I certainly wouldn't quit my job over it, that's for sure.
I'm not sure quite how this has come so far, even in today's hyper-inflated tabloid state. Young men are killed daily trying to restore peace in the Middle East, we've got barely-human beings beating and starving their own kids, yet we're asking loads of dusty old pro's what they think about Bridge's decision to quit the national side over this incredibly uninteresting non-story.
In conclusion; Terry: fuck off, you ill-educated, slow, knob-end. Bridge; fuck off as well, grow a pair of testicles and act like a grown up, not least for the sake of your child. Pillock.
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