It's that time of year again already. I know, it only seems like five minutes since the last one and now the next one is around the corner.
No, not Christmas, or the final of that fixed, mime-riddled freakshow X-Factor; I mean it's time for Jordan to get divorced again.
Jordan (real name Kenny Price) is a former glamour model and philanthropist whose relationships are routinely splashed across the pages of this great nation's red-top publications. Recall how she got hitched to New Zealand's greatest export Peter Andrew, after the pair met in the jungle (not a euphemism). Within 36 minutes, the pair were married, had a series of aesthetically-unfortunate children and were divorced again.
Not one to rest on her laurels, Jordan set her sights on Alex Reid, who specialises in being reasonably skilled at a number of martial arts, although not enough at any one discipline to pursue it professionally. They too got married, and reluctantly signed a TV deal to show us the very inner workings of their stable and well-considered marriage.
Fast forward a few short months and apparently he's had enough, and has demanded time apart. Now, I'm not privy to the internal machinations of their latest marital debacle (it's not been on telly yet) but can we really be surprised that they weren't meant to be together and will soon be on the scrap heap? Let's face it, Price is an epic pain in the arse, mixing a thick-as-pigshit demeanour with a face so mangled you wouldn't let your cat lick it. He on the other hand looks to have been carved from a piece of damaged soap and will appear on television for as little as £32. In previous blogs I've commented on her entrepreneurial promise, as she created the Jordan persona to trade off her looks and further her career, but that horse shot it's bolt many moons ago, so she's now only left with her pitiful home life, which she trawls across the airwaves to keep the brass coming in.
I'm not playing the 'marriage is sacred' card in light of my own recent nuptial shenanigans, but was it really necessary for them to immediately tie the knot? Couldn't they have dated for a bit, maybe got to second base, even mixed their CD's, before charging down the aisle? I doubt the public's respect for them would have improved (apart from those orange folk who have a haircut for every possible weather phenomenon) but surely people would have realised that she wasn't just looking to feather her nest with more TV money and maybe even had genuine feelings for The Reidinator.
Don't get me wrong; I couldn't give two fucks either way, but you have to wonder who has any sympathy for her these days as she lurches from one impotent disaster to the next.
Jordan - if you're listening love, just because he liked it he didn't have to put a ring on it. It's not a fucking competition.
No comments:
Post a Comment