Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Cos I remember asking

No word of a lie, these three conversations took place between me and colleagues in one working day recently:

Morning
Me: Hiya
Bird: Hi
Me: Alright?
Bird: Will be after I've had a wee
Me: ?
Bird: You probably didn't want to know that though
Me: You think?



Early afternoon
A colleague is approaching so I hold a door open for him. He signals he's about to turn off into a side corridor, meaning I don't have to wait for him.

Me: No problem
Him: Just going to the toilet


Late afternoon
A driver and I both entered the canteen at the same time. I went to the can machine and he to the coffee machine. Nothing was said between us.

Me: *Minds own business*
Him: Might go and have a piss


Jesus Christ. Do I have a face which says "tell me your toilet details"? I never once tell anyone when I'm off to the bog, mainly because I expect they couldn't give two shiny shites, but for some reason people insist on letting me know. Thanks but no thanks.

The next time somebody tells me anything about their movements, either pre- or post-lavatorial visit, I'm going to look them square in the eye and say "I couldn't give a flying rat's cock, squire". I just hope it's not the MD...

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