Did the earth move for you? Snigger...

OK, can we just draw a line under this whole earthquake palaver now please? Given the time it occurred the only real footage we've got is from CCTV cameras, which is fair enough. However, after a quick scout round a few video sites to see if there was any other coverage of it, all I've come across is stupid, misinformed gimps who really should have been in bed at the time.

I can't have a go at bloggers too much for obvious reasons, but this video blogging is taking it a bit far. Do a quick search of 'UK earthquake" and you'll be inundated with dozens of fat pillocks from Leeds swearing copiously and blaming the earthquake on global warming.

That's right, folks: global warming caused the earthquake.

I'm not sure if you've studied natural history, but the first earthquake actually happened in Los Angeles in 1974, and was directly linked to the smog which choked the city at that time. In 1982, Lancashire also suffered a quake which was measured at 8.4 on the old Scale de Richter. Science types eventually traced the cause back to the Industrial Revolution. Unbelievable, isn't it?

THAT'S COS IT'S GOT NOWT TO DO WITH GLOBAL WARMING, YOU PRICKS.

The tectonic plates which make up the Earth are constantly moving. Granted, they move more in some parts of the world, but they're always on the go. Occasionally their movements are more pronounced, causing the 'Earth' to 'quake', which is where we got the term from. Just once it would be nice if the people who posted material on the Internet had the slightest clue about what they're talking about. What next? Global warming causes blizzards? Paedophiles? Car crashes? Ridiculous.

Personally, it scared the living bejesus out of me. I was asleep at the time so my mind wasn't exactly switched on as it happened. I thought the house behind me had collapsed given the sound of falling bricks which accompanied the shaking (still haven't worked out what that was) but the house is still in one piece and there's no discernible harm done. The only problem was I couldn't get back to sleep afterwards. I blame global warming.