I recently visited a new shopping mall complex just up the road from BBC Television Centre (don't bother, dump) and as part of the process had to sit through an arse-numbingly dull health and safety induction.
To be fair, it is a necessary step in this process, but it wasn't really aimed at people like me who were nipping onto the site for half an hour to check on progress. It was more aimed at construction types, as references to rat urine-borne diseases and vibration white finger were discussed. All very important and serious for the hard hat brigade I'm sure.
However, to say this induction erred on the side of overkill would be something of an understatement.
For example, you're not allowed to rape people. Straight up (pardon the pun), if you are caught sexually abusing someone then you're booted off the site (no mention of prosecution was made, leading me to believe that it's worth the risk to perverts if they know the feds don't get involved).
You're not allowed to have a cack in the street. You read that right; your are forbidden from "urinating or defecating anywhere but in the facilities provided". I'm not overly sure of the types of people hired to work on these projects but you have to wonder what's gone before to make this warning necessary.
Another point that drew a titter from around the room was "don't smoke near flammable liquids of gases". Thanks for that, squire. I was just about to check on my petrol collection by lighting a match. Idiots.
All in all, 45 minutes of my valuable life were wasted, as 30 minutes after that I was off the site and going home. However, when the urge struck me in White City tube station, I made my way to the toilets rather than dropping my trollies in the middle of the platform. Maybe it wasn't such a waste of time after all...
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