I was watching the music channels the other day when one of Maroon 5's 'hits' came on. It immediately reminded me of the time frontman Adam 'Latrine' Levine was dating (i.e. shagging) Russian perv-magnet Maria Sharapova. After their split, old Levine went on record with his opinions of Maria sex-wise, as follows:
"She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration.' It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil (an antidepressant) for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."
Ignoring the bizarre Easter Bunny quote, you have to admit it is an amusing end to their tryst. Sharapova is clearly one of the most attractive women in the world and not only did he enter her ladygarden, but he then told everyone how shite she was in the sack. What a gent of the highest order.
Anyway, it got me thinking; everybody wants to shag a fit celebrity don't they? Be it Sharapova, Beckham or Winton, most people wouldn't mind 5 minutes in the broom cupboard with one of the beautiful people (or 30 seconds if they pick Boris Becker). However, if you knew in advance that said celeb was lame in bed, would you bother? Furthermore, if you could guarantee a steamy romp with the local 5-out-of-10 bike instead, would you choose that over a star?
I suppose it depends what you want to take from the experience. If you just want to tell everyone you bagged a celeb, fair enough; if you're after a more passionate encounter however, maybe Tracey from the Horse and Spoon would be a better bet.
Throw in the proviso that your mates would know both who you were shagging and their purported qualities in bed and you muddy the waters further. The whole thing becomes a dragged-out, over thought waste of everyone's time. A bit like this blog.
Have a think and let me know - dead frog or dirty munter? Or put it another way; Daily Star or clap clinic?
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