The Hobos in Cars Initiative

I've got a great idea.

An idea so great it solves two of society's problems in one go, making the streets both safer and cleaner at the same time. In fact, I think it's the greatest idea since Leeds employed Peter Ridsdale to hold the purse strings. That's how big we're talking.

Presenting - The Hobos in Cars Initiative

It's simple. The Government sets up a department who's sole task is to allot a homeless person to a car owner. The homeless person then lives in the car during the night, providing two advantages:

- The hobo has a roof over their head
- The car is less at risk from being stolen (would you nick a car with Worzel Gummidge in it?)

The hobo won't be allowed the keys to the car and is not allowed to leave it during the nocturnal hours. In the morning, the owner returns and takes the car to his or her place of work, while the homeless chap lives off the land like the dignified creature he is. To aid the hobo's plight there will be Government-funded "hygiene stations" available in the vicinity, for showering and pooing and what have you. The hobo must sign a contract to say they won't make a mess or invite any tail back to the car and in turn will get meal tokens which can be exchanged at the local Late Shopper.

Think about the benefits - the streets no longer crawling with two-legged vermin pushing a shopping trolley full or empty Skol cans; car owners safe in the knowledge their pride and joy is being looked after. The chasm between bum and civilian will finally be breached as we embrace our dog-on-a-string cousins and give them a vocation, a meaning, a reason to be.

There's bound to a be some initial problems, like a few of the more 'eccentric' exponents of the homeless trade not adhering to the contract and nicking the car, but with enough attention to detail, plenty of funding and an understanding nation, I see no reason why The Hobos in Cars Initiative can't be the cornerstone of Labour election campaigns for years to come. Either than or I'll be thrown in jail for wasting Government time.

Whatever happens, society is the winner.