Politician's Expenses: Rude

Oh dear. In today's financially-stricken times, politicians' expenses are under more scrutiny than ever before. Barely a week goes by when a 'scandal' hits the news about an MP who's living with his parents yet claiming eight trillion pounds from the state for a second home. It's not illegal, but the rules are so loose that it's easy for them to make a few quid on the side whilst living it up in two pads. Not to put too fine a point on it, it stinks.

Unfortunately for Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, that scrutiny has exposed her private dealings with damaging, embarrassing and above all, hilarious results.

Long story short, when she was away recently, her husband decided to pay for a couple of blue movies (as you do when you're in your 50's). The bill in question was then inadvertently submitted to the Government to be claimed back as expenses, and the shit has hit the fan for both him and her.

You can picture the scene between Mr. and Mrs. Smith when she found out:

Mrs: Right, that's the expenses done
Mr: Nice one
Mrs: Hold on a minute - what's this on the cable bill?
Mr: Eh?
Mrs: This - you've watched 'Oceans 13' while I was away, but also something called 'Jizz Buckets 4'
Mr: Er...
Mrs: And 'Anal Queens'. What the bloody hell's an anal queen?
Mr: Well, y'know, I was a bit bored when you were away last week so I...
Mrs: So you watched porn?
Mr: Er, yeah
Mrs: You do realise that I just submitted this claim to Gordon two minutes ago? He's gonna hit the roof when he finds out I've tried to claim for grot films when I was away at a conference
Mr: Whoops
Mrs: I'll give you bloody whoops, you knob. Right, outside now, you're doing a public apology to the press
Mr: But I don't wanna. My friends will laugh when they find out
Mrs: You should have thought about that before you spent public money on skin flicks shouldn't you?

Personally, I find the whole episode hilarious, not least his eventual apology which bore all the hallmarks of a schoolboy caught behind the bikesheds with a mucky mag. To say she went up the wall appears to be something of an understatement, and I can imagine it'll be a long time before he gets any live action in that house.

As you would expect, despite this being an honest mistake which she's paid for in full, the opposition are trying to make a mountain out of it. If she'd said "I don't care what you say, I'm perfectly within my rights to watch porn and claim it as an expense" you could understand a backlash, but she's 'fessed up and given her husband a very public bollocking. Surely the amusement derived from watching the poor cow squirm under the situation is far more valuable than trying to make a political point about it?

Either way, if you're going to get caught out, better to go the whole hog and really make a pigs ear of it. Well played, Mr. Smith.