The REAL "Real Hustle"

I consider myself to have a penchant for detail. I keep my eye on things. I'm not like Jason Bourne and can give you the registration plates of all the cars in the parking lot, but it's rare that I'm conned, tricked or tucked up by anyone.

Allow me to explains what happens when I am.

For the first time in ages on Saturday, I thought I'd treat myself to a burger (i.e. I couldn't be arsed doing the washing up). I went to the local fast food hostelry, paid my £3.70 (half pounder including chips - you can't complain) then decided to go to the nearby shop and get a drink.

As I had done a thousand times before, I approaced the drinks section for a potential purchase. Not knowing exactly how much money I had on me, I dug into my pocket to inspect my change.

I gave the chap a fiver, so I should have £1.30 left.

I had a 10p.

I had a 20p.

I had a 10 Franc piece.

Hmm.

Put simply, I'd been so lackadaisical in paying attention that the proprietor of the burger shop had managed to substitute my quid with a coin that isn't even in circulation any more. Almost certainly the same thing had happened to him and this coin has been burning a hole in his till ever since; that is until Captain Jackass here strolls in to take it off his hands.

The problem was, as I had now left the shop, I couldn't go barrelling back in with all manner of wild accusations, as he could politely suggest that I'd swapped the coin a la Derren Brown and was attempting to pull the fastest of ones. That, and they all look a bit 'gangster' in there and I didn't fancy some kind of grudge being borne against me in what is essentially a small village.

I therefore had to sit there like a complete tool while I waited for my burger to be prepared, knowing that I was a quid lighter and 10 Francs better off thanks to a simple lack of attention. I briefly considered raising the issue towards the end of my visit but a man the size of a house who appeared very friendly with the staff turned up and put me off the idea.

So take heed and check your change (it's highly likely you possess the presence of mind to do just that without this cautionary tale) because mistakes cannot be rectified later. At least not without a gun.

All I need to do now is find a Frenchman from the past...