Aggressive, even for me

I apologise in advance because I might fly off the handle language-wise as I prepare my latest literary masterpiece.

Sarah Fucking Ferguson. John Cocking Terry. Ronan Wanking Keating. Great people all, gracing society with their class, high moral code and rad skills.

All of them this year have been the 'victim' of either an undercover sting or having their personal lives dragged through the media. Being recognisable figures, it seems some 'people' out there actually give 2 fucks about in their dreary private lives when they're not hoofing a football vertically, lisping their way through a rancid piece of cock-pop or, er, whatever the hell it is that Fergie gets up to these days.

Now, my opinions on the methods by which this information is gleaned aren't what I'm trying to get across here. Just because these people are famous doesn't mean they deserve to be entrapped or stung or what have you. Sadly though, certain sections of this great nation's public think otherwise.

My ire has instead been raised by the way they react when they're finally brought to book after happily blagging, fucking and cheating their way through life for a few months, blissfully unaware that their uppence will come. At no point during these misdemeanours do they question themselves or their motives, instead enjoying the sights, sounds and, yes, smells of their adulterous behaviour.

Eventually, the great British press catch up with them and emblazon their antics across a myriad red-topped 'papers', complete with lurid alliteration and grainy photography. White Van Man nearly shits himself with excitement at the lid-lifting on show, while overtanned females in ill-fitting underwear decry the antics relying heavily upon words like 'slag' and 'he's still fit though'.

What gets me though is the next stage in this pantomime. Instead of saying "Bollocks - I've had a right laugh shagging this pneumatic dancer. Fair's fair though, I've been in the wrong since day one" they actually say "Oh woe is me. I'm devastated and regretful of my actions. It's totally out of character for me to do this, and I thoroughly regret any hurt or anguish caused to my family and friends"

Rough translation - "Shite, I've been caught"

Nobody can seriously believe that these cretins are actually sad about their actions. If they were so morally charged they wouldn't have been at it in the first place. It's about time they either stopped mid-affair and came clean to their other half and suffer the consequences, or when they are caught, admit they've been in the wrong but opine that they "would have got away with it, if it wasn't for those pesky journalists". Being caught isn't the same as having a moral epiphany, it just means the game's up. Nobody believes you, nobody likes you, so fuck off back to whence you came and admit that you just like sex and money. Bullshitters.