Being a fan of music from all genres (apart from R'n'B and anything on Channel U) I recently took it upon myself to find the greatest song lyrics in the history of music. I scoured all corners of the musical spectrum, analysing and digesting every lyric in every song on every album ever produced, carefully noting the subtle nuances and visual imagery conjoured up by a myriad different musical wordsmiths.
Having gathered these lyrics I then tabulated them and began the painstaking process of ranking them, with a intention of finding the greatest lyrics ever committed to paper. I have spent the last ten years meticulously working through a mountain of material to draw a credible conclusion.
Interestingly, the result flies in the face of traditional music awards such as the Mercury, inthat the greatest lyric is in fact the one held closest to the hearts of the vast majority of the Earth's population. I could be forgiven for being upset that all these years of research have ended up with the most obvious result imaginable, but one read-through of this genius transcript is enough to calm even my most aggressive thoughts.
I'm talking of course of Zig and Zag's seminal masterpiece "Dem girls", and for the first time these beautiful and heart-rending lyrics have been published for the world's eyes to absorb. Read on, but make sure you have a tissue ready...
This is the Zagamuffin calling planet Earth
Ziggy Man and Zagamuffin are in the house in full effect, that's right
Zig and Zag stylee
They all love me, they all love me, dem girls dem girls they all love me
They all love me, they all love me, dem girls dem girls they all love me
Me fluffy, me purple, me lover alien
Me go by the name of the Zagamuffin
Toasting, toasting, 1, 2, 3
I'm toasting y'all in a dancer stylee
Winding and reeling and pumping and jumping
Mash up the place in a slow motion
Give us the sound of a rumbling bass
Gonna waste the place, in your face!
Naughty naughty in a dancehall style
Wiggle your body girl, wiggle me while
Me all love rubbing, me am a rich man
Me dreadlock boss is the Ziggy Man
They call me Zagamuffin cos it is my name
With a rub-a-dub stylee it's bringing me fame
On a ragga tip, you know respect is due
Cos I'm a wicked alien lover and I'm after you
Boom boom, the drums go boom
They shake it, they rock it, the room goes boom
Mix it up and mix it hot
Wiggle them hips, girl, wiggle that bot
Bing bong, the bells done chime
You're my ding dong, gonna make you mine
I'm a heartbreaker, a bodyshaker
You put the sky in my skyscraper
They all love it when I do it to the left
They all love it when I do it to the right
They all love it when I do it to the left
They all love it when I do it to the right
They all love it when I do it to the left
They all love it when I do it to the right
They all love it when I do it to the left
Zig and Zag, booyaka all night!
They all love me, they all love me, dem girls dem girls they all love me (to fade)
Makes you weep, doesn't it...
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